Life Counseling

Games

I recently had the occasion to receive counseling from Anita Warren. I was not doing so well in life. Well, needless to say, it did the job, as I am back on my feet and winning at life. One of my biggest realizations was that there are games and then there are GAMES and that I had better watch which ones I play. I also realize that I need to continue getting the training I started out to get twenty years ago but kept falling off the path. When I told Anita I needed more knowledge about making decisions regarding the future she made sure I got a copy of the perfect book on this subject. Thank you for getting my life back on track. — EL

The feeling I have been looking for

I came to Washington with the goal of fixing a few things. I felt these things were holding me back in life and if I could just fix them life would be great–the sky’s the limit. After a few short sessions with Anita–which were totally!! amazing!! I feel great. I feel like I could almost burst with excitement. I am looking forward to what lies ahead for me in my life and look at it as an awesome challenge, not burdensome. This is the feeling I have been looking for. A feeling of accomplishment, courage, and self-esteem. Anita has made things so simple, it was easy for me to reach my goals here! Looking forward to a great and fulfilling life! Life is good! KD

Here is a miracle

I came here to Florida with a question, and the answer–no matter what it was–would change my life indefinitely. I was uncomfortable in my own body: it was female, and I just had to be male. I was a straight woman, but felt deep down that I was a gay man. I decided, with the help of my parents, to get auditing before I did anything drastic (taking hormones and getting SRS: Sexual Reassignment Surgery). I didn’t need my parents to push me into getting help. In all truth, I was on the fence–the worst place to be. I had three choices: begin the transition, continue pretending to be female, or destroy myself. I would feel grief when I knew I shouldn’t, and seeing pictures of handsome guys only turned up the volume on the feeling. When I wore girls’ clothes it was more like for show: I usually dressed up as a girl for Halloween (the scariest thing I could become). The only time I seriously considered dressing as a girl was the time when I put on a dress and was reduced to be a pile of teary, depressed muck on my bedroom floor. I didn’t leave my room until I was in ‘suitable’ mens’ clothes. The only girl I could be was a cross dressing man. I watched ‘The Secret’ and asked the universe, with every fiber of my being, to make this uninhabitable body male somehow (it worked in a way: after that decision I came across a LOT of information on FTM transitioning). I remember finding a transman online who had gone through his transition and I would cry just looking at his pictures (it was hard to believe he was ever female–all traces of his femininity were washed away by hormone therapy and ‘top surgery,’ and he looked amazing). I looked up ‘transman’ and ‘FTM’, eventually finding Hudson’s FTM Guide. Whenever I talked about it to friends, I would get excited. It seemed like I had hope. I knew I was a girl, but I also knew that I would grow up to be a man–it was the only thing that made sense at the time. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a boy. When I thought about myself, I was a boy. I felt the irresistible urge to correct people when they called me by feminine pronouns (she/her), and I often did. Most of my friends got used to it, often referring to me as ‘he.’ My best friend was in medical school and told me she would help me give myself testosterone (via bimonthly intramuscular injection). People who knew me called me by ‘he/his,’ and most strangers simply guessed or avoided using either pronoun. I masculinized my name was was determined to change it legally. I wore an Ace bandage around my chest, and cut my hair short. I wore only men’s clothes. Still, I had the feeling that maybe–just MAYBE–I would realize something during my ‘auditing’ and I would change my mind. And that’s precisely what happened. Auditing was originally proposed by my parents, but I had no objections whatsoever. And so began my journey to ‘find myself.’ I traveled across the country by plane to see my auditor. What I sought became known as my ‘answer.’ I went from San Francisco to Tampa. I became set on deciding for myself which path I would go down, narrowing my options down to two: become a man or a woman. I jumped straight into sessions with Les, my auditor. It was a truly mind-blowing, life changing, incredible experience that wrenched my ‘answer’ right up from the depths of my mind. In the end, I found the source of my problem was a past life incident! It seems so silly afterwards. I felt the weight lift from my shoulders, and finally I could breathe (removing the Ace bandage helped with this too). The depressing grief I used to feel left and didn’t come back. Les, Anita, and even the other clients around here were so, so, so supportive. Anita took me shopping (for the ‘real test’), and when I tried on girls’ clothes… voila! No pain, no grief. The sky wasn’t falling, and the walls were still solid. I didn’t grow antennae or an extra set of arms. I was right there, admiring my female body in clothes that actually fit. For the next few days, I only wore girls’ clothes, and not only was I fine with it, I actually enjoyed it. I texted my friend in medical school and carefully told her I wasn’t going to transition. The message she sent back to me was: ‘As long as you feel better about yourself that’s all that matters to me.’ I also broke the news to my online pen pal and best friend (who knows me only as a gay man), and she accepted me as I truly am much better than I expected (she’s still my super awesome best friend for life!). I haven’t told many other people, but I’m expecting the worst and hoping for the best. But I know now that it’s not anyone’s decision but mine. — RS

The first day of the rest of my life

Today is the first day of the rest of my life! You hear this phrase said often. It is a good attitude phrase. I was having personal difficulty making decisions, or just keeping my promise of following my decisions. I was easily influenced into breaking my own promises against my own survival and others. I believe that if you are not well, then you cannot be strong enough to help others or to positively influence others that you encounter. We influence anyone, even people that we do not see or notice, that notice or see us. For example: If you are walking with good posture and singing to yourself, whoever hears or sees you can feel good; even if they think that you are goofy! You better believe that it makes people smile. I can attest that coming to participate in the life repair program with Anita and Les has really made me feel as ME again. I felt as if I had lost my identity. From the first day of auditing I have noticed my environment changing around me in a positive way. For example: My ex-husband who I have not spoken for about 5 years or if we did, we would always have upsets and arguments in our conversations. But recently, he texted me on my cell phone and I took advantage to respond to him only positive thoughts, until he finally gave in and was willing to try to be friends with me. ‘WOW!’ That was an accomplishment! He even said, ‘Good luck on your exam!’ That was amazing! 🙂 It made me so happy that he is willing to forgive me, as I know that only if you forgive is when someone can start living! 🙂 I am happy for him. Also my main problem for what I originally came here, was to break up with my ex-boyfriend, who was my best friend. We had a cycle of breaking up and going back together after I already had decided to break up and concentrate on my education, etc…. I wished him the best, and finally the relationship stopped. He did not want to let go and wanted to have me even if it was by tricking me. That was not healthy anymore. It was one year of my trying to do so. Finally with this program’s help and other good friends who kept me focused that I could finally break that vicious cycle. I am happy and more secure of myself and my actions. I have always felt as if I was the ‘add on’ in the groups. I don’t drink, smoke or ever did drugs, but I dance and have lots of fun just from my inner self. A friend who I know for 18 years told me that I was in a higher level than everyone and not to change. He knew that I had suffered, but still I believe in people. Thanks to my sister for recommending me to Anita and Les. You guys are a very positive and cute couple. Your facilities are very homey and peaceful. I really love your lake in back of the house. God bless and wish you a very happy holiday season. I actually got the spirit of Christmas. I was having a hard time getting it, and now I feel it! Take care and I will keep in touch!
— MM