I hated my husband …

I hated my husband. It sounds awful, but I hated the sight of him. What I used to see as beautiful, strong, and full of integrity, I now hated. I didn’t want to look at him and the slightest communication would turn to battle. I wanted to leave him and find someone worthy of me. When he walked in the door from work, we didn’t even look at each other. We were enemies and the air was thick with bitterness. Even others could feel it without a word or a look. It poisoned the air.  We hadn’t been talking for so long that we started being suspicious of each other’s motives around the house and noticed every flaw, cursing each other under our breath. And we both ‘figured’ the other thought this or that, when we didn’t! I was walking around the house arguing with him in my mind! Constantly!  I’d heard the speed in which this method of Marriage Counseling resolved marriage conflicts. But I didn’t even feel like I ever wanted to like him again so why do it? Well… because I should. I had no other reason.  So I did. A Marriage Counselor came to our home and without being affected by the awful feelings in the air, she began our session. We continued for about 5 hours the first day and another 3 the next day. After the first day, we were talking again, but the real closeness was not back yet. But we both felt it coming. We didn’t discuss much, we decided to keep things light and let the next day’s session do what it would.  And it did. I can’t begin to tell you what it did. Near the end of the session, it all came together. Where did the bitterness go and where had this deep affection been hiding? It was back for both of us really strong like a new cloud-9 love. So incredible.  After that we talked about everything. You know how when you’re first together after you’ve gotten comfortable enough to talk about almost anything? Well, it was like that only better. See, we had no urge to hold anything back. It was so safe to be completely open with each other and we were so freed of our bitterness and judgmental feelings. We could hear what the other had to say not only without upset, but with pure joy that the other could actually communicate so openly. We planned. We discussed differences and were able to come to fulfilling agreements. We wrestled. We made love really, for the first time. And we WANTED to talk! We couldn’t stop talking to each other. And after talking, we found out that most of our upsets were actually ‘misunderstandings’.
The main joy was in feeling constantly like I wanted to hold him. He felt that way too. We couldn’t pass one another in the hall without hugging. It’s been a year since our counseling and we’re still doing quite well. We want to do it again in the near future. It’s just too magical to not keep that way. We discussed how long people go to therapists for marriage counseling and sometimes do a little better after a long time, but too often they wind up divorcing. Our marriage was made new again in two days. Actually, in eight, short, fascinating hours. — TS

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